im going back to the start

it's getting later and later and I cannot sleep.... toooo much diet coke... not really a good thing to drink when a person deals with anxiety... should of picked water instead.

so it's been a while since I have shared any of my crazy feelings.

I guess counseling and the medication have taken a bit of the edge off.

at least that is how I feel sometimes. I guess some stuff is better left behind in a small room under lock and key - dont you think?

I recently met this lady which for some strange reason the connection was made, a connection that came out of no where. she is so sweet always calls me georgeous. I truly don't think of myself that way but I go along with her cause honestly I don't know what else to say. She comes sometimes to my desk and gives me a big old hug like if we have been the best of friends for years... sweet lady. I saw her crying the other day not really knowing why. I did not want to pry. I got the nerve to ask her to lunch not to talk about her issues, but to let her know that she is not alone in her pain. We all have issues and things we like to hide or that we can't deal with. GOD knows I have mine and have dealt with them for so many years... have I let them go yet? NO not at all, maybe I am trying to let them go away slowly. not used to not have issues. they become a big part of you.

it's very hard to forgive and forget. my counselor says by forgiving it's not that you are saying that what they did was right it's a way of letting go. NOT SURE if I will ever be able to let go or if I will ever truly forgive. Maybe I am not ready to do so...

so somtime this week I will join this lady for a quick bit to eat, wish me luck. not sure if I will be able to help her or give her good advice. I just want her to know that someone does care even though at this point we are truly strangers.... sometimes strangers are better friends to be honest.