I have to tell you and I believe I have that I love anything to do with nature.... well maybe not the crazy little bugs out there, but flowers are so beautiful to me.

Here are two random pics I took.

I have a few peony plants coming up in my yard. One of my favorite plants and also a bleeding heart that has started to give me pretty little broken heart flowers.

If its sunny tomorrow morning I will take a few pics. So off to the doctor early tomorrow morning and then I might just go to the Kane County Flea... have not been there since last year and I am having the itch.

well hope you all have a restful weekend.... enjoy!

so this is what I got myself for my

b-day... I loved it when I first saw it especially because of the acorn and owl charm.... I have an owl that visits the tree in my yard... seriously..... I know you don't believe me...

I am doing better today, I will have to be honest that I did have a panic attack yesterday... I knew it was coming I just didn't know when it was going to hit and it finally did.

it was not as bad as the first one I had years ago where I ended up in the hospital, but I did get a few co workers scared... and of course it happened at work...NOT GOOD.... so now I have made doc appts and I will actually meet with a lady named Claire that does energy healing .... I am open to anything at this point. Don't want the anxiety to start taking such a strong hold on me....that is why sometimes I force myself to do stuff that I really do not want to do because I can tell how it has been acting up lately...

okay well I made it today without anything crazy going on with my health... neck is killing me but at least I did not loose it today like I did yesterday...

take care...

so last Saturday if you remember it was a beautiful day here in IL.... so on all my errands I had to run that day I took a few moments in between them to take a walk and take a few pics...

theres something about being in the sun, with fresh air and taking a quiet walk amongst these beautiful trees that makes me very happy... it brings me peace.. dealing with anxiety sucks but when I am amongst this kind of environment it's like I am a normal person like I used to be long ago.

what anxiety? what chronic pain?

one thing about me is that I am a thinker, I over analyze, over think things that I should of forgotten already. I should of said that or I wish I could of said that.... shoulda coulda woulda...

I am so tired of being like this you don't even know how tiring it is... I was telling a good friend of mine just this morning that all I want honestly is to be at peace with myself and my surroundings... all I want is to be happy and to try to live my life to the fullest cause you know tomorrow is not promised... I guess the only way I could live that way is if I lived in a bubble.. kind of how I lived in MO.... a bubble life - like that old movie about the boy in the bubble that lived inside that plastic cage so that he wouldn't get sick and die... do you remember that movie???

There is so much I have to learn. I know I am now in my 40s but I honestly still have so much to learn. Since I have moved back it's been a roller coaster, I believe I have lost a good friend that I truly cared about and honestly right now I am ready to just end that relationship... why should I care... why should I care???????? I ask myself that EVERY F-------in day... why should I care???? I think about the regret that might come one day, but I will have to deal with it then right? I have lost many friends along the way because of a betrayal that happened to me many years ago. Betrayed by two people I really cared about. Because of them I NOW can't deal with the people that are in my life sometimes... I run away and the way I run away is I make myself disappear from their lives. I share this with you so that you can see that my life is not perfect filled with pretty pictures... I want you to see that my life is not all about going out to eat or hanging out with my cousin having a great ole time. my blog is about reality what I go through every day...

I have many ups and downs... I have many thoughts of leaving and never coming back... the only thing that keeps me in check are my two boys.... that is it. I care so much for them that I stay and deal with MYSELF and my thoughts everyday... I try to be the perfect person I am supposed to be. The perfect person my mother wants me to be.... the perfect employee, the perfect friend, the perfect ME..... but to be honest I am not PERFECT at all... in no way shape or form am I perfect at all... if I was I wouldn't have anxiety issues, people fear issues, etc. etc.

My counselor said that I am so hard on myself, YES she is totally right... and I probably will never end up at that point of PEACE that I so long for . OH well, there is so much more I could say, but maybe I will leave that for another day. So I shared with you today some of my reality.

Reminder to self when I read this tomorrow - NO REGRETS ANGIE, NO REGRETS....

wow APRIL came and went so fast this year.... Easter is here and soon will be gone... I made it to church today. A beautiful church in Oak Park called St Edmond.

Now I am making Cornish hens, they will be served with cauliflower mashed potatoes and a nice salad. Cut up some great tasting melon (I already tried it) and some strawberries. so while I am waiting took a few pics -

I got this stamp set the other day at Blicks art store.. my oldest is starting to get into drawing and wanted a few art pens so while I was there I saw this cool stamp set and I couldn't resist purchasing it.

I maybe should stamp this over my heart - Please handle carefully..... with permanent ink.

Happy Easter

Have a great Easter........!

TODAY - HOY

what a day not very sunny in my part of the world, but I did not let that stop me.

here are a few pics taken today... can you tell where I was at...?

I guess it goes something like this

where in the world was Angie and her boys today?

can you guess? if so leave a comment...

yes more pics, I worked late today just got home...

one good thing about coming home late today I got to see the sun at least shining for a bit - it's such a lovely sight to see since we have had some crappy weather.

I know april showers bring may flowers but I need a little sun please.....

Have you noticed even though the sun has not been out that much lately a lot of the trees are budding and the grass is looking greener...

well it was a good day today and I am off on Friday since I worked last Saturday.... another late shift tomorrow but I don't mind since I get to sleep in till 7.... yay.....

see you all soon

Part 4 - Garden Antique Fair, Illinois

part 3 - Garden Antique Fari - ILLINOIS

here are more pics that I took at the fair.... today is the last day and its sunny tooooo.... but I am up early for my sons outdoor soccer tournament.

Yes, it's around 6:57 and in 20 minutes they will be playing outside in this crazy weather. believe me I am not happy that they play outside when it's not even warm enough but I don't make the rules. If it were up to me he would not be playing this early and on this cold this morning.

okay enjoy the pics I still have so many more to share.

okay I had a few more minutes before I leave so here are three more pics that I took yesterday.....

it was packed yesterday tons of people, this show runs through Sunday..... (more pics below) oh except for the picture of me on the sand smoking something small.

(I don't smoke I was just pretending).

check back later

okay so this is what I would rather be doing at this time 6:36 in the a.m. but I am off to work as I got picked for Saturday's customer service duty rep today.....

so I promise that I will post more pics later of the Garden Antique show at the Chicago Botanical Gardens .......

see ya soon....

SNEAk PEAk - todays Adventure Garden Antique show

all I can really say is ooooooohhhh myyyy.... everything was lovely and the way things were arranged made you want to buy everything... well you can buy everything if you are rich... I am not so I just came home with some pics for you to see of how wonderful this show was. I hope you enjoy these few cause I have a ton more. We did not get hit by the rain cause I left around 1:30 but the rain did come.... so pls sit back and enjoy!