Friday, July 2, 2010

it's okay to feel broken sometimes

body form purchased at Kane County Flea....

Topic: Broken

I guess I am feeling a bit emotional tonight and I know after a good night sleep I will wake up in a better mood and honestly maybe regret this post.

BUT tonight my emotions are just wacky and I feel like getting this off my chest.

so tonight's word is BROKEN....

I have to admit this because this is what makes ME who I am. I think I have mentioned before that I suffer from anxiety. I did not start dealing with anxiety until a few years back where a major anxiety attack landed me in the hospital. it's not the greatest of feeling to feel anxious and to have to hide it from all that know me. it's a burden. it's the cross that I have to carry.

I like to talk about it on my blog just in case someone out there is dealing with this as well and I want them to know that they are not alone.

I thank God that I have not had a major attack in a while, but there are still consequences that I deal with everyday because of that major attack a couple of years back.

I am in fear everyday that it will occur again.
I can't handle crowds anymore like I used to and if I have to be in a crowd it has to be out in the open air.
People believe I am so happy and outgoing, but if they only knew sometimes the turmoil that goes on inside.

this is not an easy cross to carry. not at all.

sometimes I just feel so BROKEN, but you will not even know it cause all you will see is a smile on my face.

A friend of mine recently told me that I am so good at pretending cause when you ask me how I am I always say EVERYTHING is GREAT. YES, there are some great days especially when the sun is out that is why I try to spend as much time outdoors and enjoy it's feel as this brings peace to me and my mind.

I am not writing this for anyone to feel pity for me. It's just another post just like any other one on my blog. Maybe in a way writing about it helps me deal with it.

I hope that one day just like it came on it will go away. For now I pray to GOD to help me be anxious free.


beth said...

this was beautiful.....the words and the photo....and all so very true, as you are not alone. we all feel broken sometimes !

Patti said...

I'm with Beth- what a beautiful post. And broken is how we all feel now and then. Your honesty is such a wonderful quality Angie. Peace to you...