it's okay to feel broken sometimes

body form purchased at Kane County Flea....

Topic: Broken

I guess I am feeling a bit emotional tonight and I know after a good night sleep I will wake up in a better mood and honestly maybe regret this post.

BUT tonight my emotions are just wacky and I feel like getting this off my chest.

so tonight's word is BROKEN....

I have to admit this because this is what makes ME who I am. I think I have mentioned before that I suffer from anxiety. I did not start dealing with anxiety until a few years back where a major anxiety attack landed me in the hospital. it's not the greatest of feeling to feel anxious and to have to hide it from all that know me. it's a burden. it's the cross that I have to carry.

I like to talk about it on my blog just in case someone out there is dealing with this as well and I want them to know that they are not alone.

I thank God that I have not had a major attack in a while, but there are still consequences that I deal with everyday because of that major attack a couple of years back.

I am in fear everyday that it will occur again.
I can't handle crowds anymore like I used to and if I have to be in a crowd it has to be out in the open air.
People believe I am so happy and outgoing, but if they only knew sometimes the turmoil that goes on inside.

this is not an easy cross to carry. not at all.

sometimes I just feel so BROKEN, but you will not even know it cause all you will see is a smile on my face.

A friend of mine recently told me that I am so good at pretending cause when you ask me how I am I always say EVERYTHING is GREAT. YES, there are some great days especially when the sun is out that is why I try to spend as much time outdoors and enjoy it's feel as this brings peace to me and my mind.

I am not writing this for anyone to feel pity for me. It's just another post just like any other one on my blog. Maybe in a way writing about it helps me deal with it.

I hope that one day just like it came on it will go away. For now I pray to GOD to help me be anxious free.